Reverse Harem: Let’s Talk Hot Topics

If you don’t know what a reverse harem is, you may have been trapped under a rock or fallen down a hole. Please check your surroundings and ensure that you are safely not cut off from the rest of the world.


Obviously I’m kidding. I’m a writer, but for the longest time I didn’t know that having 3+ lovers was designated as a “reverse harem.” I just thought of it as romantic menage. As it stands, reverse harem (or RH) is when a woman has three+ lovers in a committed relationship. They are her harem. It’s straightforward, it’s sexy, and it’s gathered a huge following.

I see the appeal. Group sex is a fantasy for many, but cheating isn’t cool in the world of romance, so you have to have some clear boundaries. However, many will see an issue here. We read our romances for broody, sexy, Alpha males. And they don’t share. For many women, the jealousy and possessiveness of an alpha male is crucial, after all.

I’ve written contemporary RH as a ghostwriter and have to be honest, it wasn’t easy. It’s hard to wrap your brain around the concept of a modern day alpha guy sharing his woman. On top of that, there’s plenty of D/s RH now, which just blows my mind completely. Three or more Doms sharing a sub? WHY? I just don’t get it at all! But you know what? They aren’t written for me, and that’s fine. RH is more about the fantasy than actually wanting to live it. A lot of romance is! If you’re a reader and you don’t understand RH, just don’t read it. If you’re a writer who doesn’t get it, don’t write it. But don’t try to trample people’s fun or worse, judge them for what they enjoy. It really pisses me off when I see authors complaining about people enjoying RH just because it isn’t “realistic.” We write about women who can take dvp without blinking and men with washboard abs and giant cocks. Where exactly do we get to talk “realistic,” exactly?

If you’ve read my Night Wolves, you’ll know that I’ve already laid down the law. One wolf to one wolf. The males in my world would never share a woman permanently. A night of fun? Maybe, but not with the one meant to be their mate. The closest it comes is one future book, in which one female wolf ends up with two human men. But a reverse harem? Nope.

The realm of the supernatural/paranormal is the best setting for a reverse harem. Your average sexy Joe next door is unlikely to be a kinky alpha male AND want to share you with two other guys, but add in the element of magic and a dash of fate, etc, and suddenly it’s easier to believe. The rules change when the entire setting changes.

I enjoy reverse harem as a reader, and I’m not attempting to discourage anyone from reading it. Those who take real issue with the idea are thinking too narrowly at the fictional worlds we love. I can see the argument that alpha men don’t share, and I can agree with it in the real world, as well as in the majority of my writing, but that doesn’t mean I think we should ignore the obvious, sweltering sex appeal of three muscular, well-hung alpha hunks wanting to make love to a single woman. That’s just ridiculous. I think we can suspend reality for a bit, can’t we?

And speaking of suspending reality, my next release, Their Royal Compromise, is a reverse harem, complete with dragon shifters and a fae. I’m not changing my writing aim to cater to all RH all the time, but I thought this would be a fun one to write.

By the way, if you love RH or are interested in getting into it, this facebook group, commonly called RaRa, is where you need to be! You can see endless lists of recommendations, make friends, and rub shoulders with some amazing RH authors.

Reverse Harems

What is a reverse harem? Who reads them? What’s the appeal?

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